Dazed and Infused.

Apologies for being MIA recently. I have been emotionally and mentally exhausted and wanted to be in a better head space before sharing my experiences with you.

I’ve talked about my first day of chemo and now want to go into what happens after. I’m sure you are wondering what occurs once you are home and the side effects begin affecting your body. Every person reacts differently and each chemo has its own side effects so keep that in mind when reading. This is my experience.

My first two months of chemo I was infused with Adriamycin Cyclophosphamide (AC / "Red Devil") every two weeks. Unfortunately, I quickly found out why this chemo drug is referred to as the “Red Devil”.

Before starting chemo, my oncologist prescribed medications to treat the probable side effects. They started off with the average dosages which can be changed depending on how severe the reactions to chemo are. My reaction was severe, so I am praying that anyone reading that has to go through it has a better experience.

This was the worst night of my life. I have never felt closer to death and more out of control of my body. I hurt all over and had burning nausea that was unbearable. This pain caused me to be extremely lightheaded and dizzy. My body was in complete shock from the poison now in my bloodstream. I cried myself to sleep; terrified of what the next five months of chemo would hold. How am I going to get through this?

The next day, I told my doctor what I had experienced. She immediately switched around my medications to address my side effects and had me do IV hydration for the two days following each chemo infusion. Wow, this turned my life around. My side effects were still difficult to deal with; however, were nothing compared to the first night. For the next two months, I experienced extreme nausea and fatigue. Due to steroid and nausea pre-meds, the worst of the side effects occurred between day 3-6 post chemo infusion. I was on a plain mashed potato diet and fell asleep around 7pm every night. I dragged myself through each day; attempting to appear like I was ok. Putting on the façade of being happy began to exhaust myself further. I eventually gave in to my emotion and let others see that I was struggling.

Mouth Sores were another negative aspect of AC. I had some experience with this; but thankfully, mine were not as severe as others.

Life had changed; luckily, I was able to fully function and enjoy regular life experiences on my off weeks.

The next three months consisted of weekly infusions of Paclitaxel and Carboplatin (Taxol/Carbo). There were aspects of this treatment that were much easier and some that over time became more difficult.

The biggest improvement from AC was the nausea. There was minor nausea on day 3 post chemo; however, it was nothing compared to the previous regimen. I was still keeping a bland diet but added in many more foods beyond plain mashed potatoes. I also didn’t have to be as concerned about mouth sores which put my mind at ease.

My Oncologist described the top three side effects of Taxol Carbo as fatigue, fatigue, and fatigue. Gosh, was she correct! Since I was going weekly, the dosages were not as extreme as bi-weekly so it was nice not having a major plummet. However, I ended up in a constant state of mind and body ache. Unfortunately, the chemo builds in your system so these side effects get gradually worse with time. I was exhausted from being exhausted and over time became desperate to feel normal again. This was the most difficult part of Taxol Carbo. I wanted it to be over so bad.

I also experienced neuropathy during Taxol Carbo. This is an effect chemo has on your nerves and feels like your fingers and toes are tingling. This is more annoying than anything else. I used B6 vitamins to treat it and saw great improvement with it.

The three months dragged but as soon as I was a few treatments out from the end, my excitement and adrenaline carried me through the finish line.

Hair loss is an inevitable side effect of AC and Taxol Carbo. You can read more about how I dealt with that experience in my blog post “Going Bald and Boujee”.

The steroids used to combat chemo side effects can also cause a lot of puffiness due to water retention. I felt this in my face the most. I felt like a blown up balloon and struggled not recognizing myself in the mirror.

The last thing I am going to discuss is “Chemo Brain”. I had heard of this; however, did not know if it was a real thing. Throughout the five months, it became clear that this was a legitimate side effect of chemotherapy. I started forgetting things someone had just told me. I couldn't think of words mid-sentence. I had to read pages, emails, and texts over and over trying to focus enough to understand. My mind felt foggy and exhausted. There were moments that I was so frustrated with losing control of my brain. I was so terrified that this would stay with me after chemo. Great news, it did not. I am back to my normal self and can complete tasks and sentences with ease again!

As scary as all these side effects sound, always keep in mind that your doctors and nurses are there to make your life more comfortable. Include them in what you are experiencing and they will do anything they can do to help. Don’t suffer through this more than you have to already. I’ve had breakdowns where if I had just asked for help sooner, I could have felt a lot better.

Chemo side effects suck. There is no way around that. It is important to remember they are TEMPORARY. My side effects have gone away. You will get through this. Time will keep moving as much as you swear it is standing still.

Completing 16 rounds of chemo is my biggest accomplishment in life. I am slowly but surely looking and feeling like the old Eli.

You got this!